Saturday, December 31, 2011

Carrying On

In this blog experiment, I have laid down my vulnerabilities as a fledgling writer, mother, wife, and as a reluctant worker. In the six months of blogging, I have documented my sea/see change within and I hope that you have found something personal and worthwhile to take from my entries.

I invite you to look through my previous entries, if you haven't already. They still say everything I'd say about the challenges and joys of choosing to be both writer and mother/wife.

Through this process of blogging (and working on the novel), I have accepted myself as a writer, finally. (Why oh why did it take so long?) This process is what I've needed to now turn my attention--the little that I've have to devote to writing--mostly to my novel this year. If you are a writer and a mother or a mother trying to complete any goal for yourself, I know you understand.

As a writer, mama, worker bee, and wife, it's tough knowing where to put my energy at any giving point in the day. Most of the time my mind is split between the present and the future, my musts and my wants, dirty diapers and a smiling, bouncing 8-month old baby girl. You're nodding your head because you know the daily dance.

Blogging will have to take a back seat to writing my novel. Being more focused in my writing life will give me a little more piece/peace, I hope. I'll keep you updated from time to time. Drop me a line, let me know your out there.

Much progress in your passions in 2012.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

When to say when

Learning when to say when, uncle, enough, however you want to say stop, is hard to do, especially in this writing game. Let me clarify what I mean by "writing game." I'm not talking about the craft of writing, but everything else that comes along with getting your work out there, published. That's the game. Surely being a successful published writer (i.e., people read your work and you generate income from your publications) is easier when you know people of influence in the industry who think your work is worthy of publishing. After five years of working on my craft and at having a few moments where I've put my work out there, I've had little success. It's a tough pill to swallow: recognizing what a lonely, hard road it's been, but it is true.

I don't know many writers and the handful I know our relationships are not strong. There's much inconsistency in these relationships and they lack synergy. Read: they are all but dead. Today, I want to acknowlege this instead of continuing to hope that these relationships will turn into sudden support. It's time to let go.

It isn't easy knowing when exactly to give up hope in something. But I'm not giving up hope in myself, just in the dead relationships. Instead of putting energy into them, now I'm free to start looking for new connections. Ones that do have consistency and synergy.

Case in point. I've been hoping for several months that one of my writer friends would review one of my piece and introduce me to some of his connections. No such luck. Everytime I ask for feedback I get a lot of verbal "yes, yes, sure, sure" but then I don't hear from the person anymore until I contact them again. And it's "yes, yes, sure, sure" then nothing. Round and round we go, where we go nobody knows. My "friend" has been so touch and go with me and my work, that I'm foolish to call him a "friend."

But I have called him a friend for the last several years, not because he was, but because I wanted him to be my writer friend.

I now must turn my attention to the slush pile. That's my reality. That's my way forward right now. The odds are stacked against me, but it's still better than being jerked around in a dead relationship hoping that things will change. I'm saying when now.